Short version (TLDR):

I’ve been feeling burnt out lately, among other things, so I’m enabling vacation mode starting tomorrow (29 March) so my paid subscribers won't get charged any money until I get my shit together and release chapter 3.1.

Long version:

Hey everyone, I want to be upfront with you all about where I’m at right now. Lately, I’ve been feeling burnt out and struggling to stay motivated. Working on my AVN started as something I loved doing in my free time, but now it’s turned into a job, and I didn’t realise how much pressure that would put on me. Between the weight of always needing to provide, and the mental stress of having to keep up with my (selfish) perfectionist by making each update better than the last, it’s been overwhelming. I know this is just a phase, but right now it feels like a lot to handle...

I also didn’t think I’d be in a position where I’m making more than my old boring job, and it gets very weird sometimes. Like, why the hell did I go to university even? What are we even preparing the kids for nowadays when AI or human+AI are just going to automate most of knowledge work in less than a decade at the current rate? What will we derive meaning from? Will people still prefer niche creative products, or infinite generated entertainment that no individual person can ever hope to compete with? And apart from the big questions... then there’s the whole “imposter syndrome” feeling of not being at my best self and being stuck in this headspace that doesn’t seem to let me grow.

I’ve been working on Chapter 3.1 this last month of March, but sadly, I’m going to scrap part of what I had done lately. I don’t want to half-ass it, and I feel like the direction I was going just isn’t where I want to be. So, I’m taking a breather, enabling vacation mode, and I won't accept any money from you while I reset and get back to work with a fresh mindset.

On top of that, I’ve realised I don’t want to keep succumbing to the pressure of maintaining a pace that isn’t sustainable. I had a poll before where a lot of you preferred monthly updates, and I delivered a lot early on in 2024, but that wasn’t sustainable with my non-stop work. The project has evolved, and I’ve become more of a perfectionist, which ironically makes the work take longer. I think the quality is much higher now, but that means more time and effort is needed for a project that is basically still a solo one (Yes, being an indie dev is hard!). I want to keep a pace that works for me, without feeling pressured to keep up a crazy unrealistic schedule.

And yeah, apparently, I’ve decided I don't like money because I keep making my subscription tiers cheaper and giving the lower ones more benefits... But seriously, I'm in a good situation IRL at the moment, and I don't really want money to become the only motivation for this project. I want to finish my dream AVN dammit! The less it feels like a job, which still kinda is, the more I can enjoy it. It's silly, I know... I’m literally willing to work more for less while some developers just milk the subs with nothing to show for months. What can I say? I guess I’m bad at business but I have some ethics!

Honestly, I'm just really thankful for the community that’s come together around this project. Your support has meant everything, and I’m eager to get back to creating when I’m in a better place to do it justice. I still believe in this story and in what I’m trying to create, and I don’t want to deliver anything less than my best.

Like I said, I’m enabling vacation mode in SubscribeStar starting tomorrow (29 March) so my paid subscribers won't get charged any money until I release chapter 3.1. I hope you understand where I'm coming from, but to make it more clear, I’ll be back once I’ve got my shit together.

Oh, Helga, Helga... just what are you going to do? Will you try to get your shit together too? :')